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October 2024

Eightsomes? Tensomes? Can I Get a Dozensome

By Harvey Silverman

In rapid succession, I received two disturbing emails about troublesome golf course etiquette.

The first was from a friend’s course in Minnesota that encountered a tensome, and where the populace is preparing for another disappointing Viking season (it’s been 50 years since they’ve been to a Super Bowl). The eightsome happened right here in Northern California, where SF Giants fans are suffering a no-better-than .500 season and adopting the mantra, “well, it could be worse.”

How rare are tensomes in Minnesota? Well, generally, you can get three or four people in a fishing boat or a duck blind. Snowmobiles hold two, and the most on a chair lift is four. So, gathering 10 for a round of golf must be a real treat for the friends involved. Friendship is admired, but as my friend, the course owner, states, “Players don’t always understand that they’re sharing a one-lane road. They get caught up in their little world and are oblivious to the problems they’re causing the other players on the course.”

The eightsome on the Northern California course, a 9-holer, was more egregious. Four men and four women, all likely Millennials, age 28-43 (question – it’s considered impolite to ask a woman’s age, but is it okay to ask which age group they are in – Millennial, Gen Z or X? Okay, maybe not Boomer). They arrived with four sets of clubs, planning to share them. Many courses will not allow this and force them to rent four more sets, but the two women’s sets were already out on the course. So, the staff looked the other way.

The shop staff and first-tee starter identified the group as beginners or, at best, novices. As with all other groups, the starter went through a short list of “rules,” including how they would be tracked with GPS. This course has Tagmarshal. They were asked and agreed to play in two groups of four. That lasted until the second hole.

By the time they got to the second green, the marshal was there to remind them to play in two groups of four and alerted them to the backup they had already caused. But by the third green, they were together again, bringing out the marshal to issue a more stern warning, one they took issue with as being hounded and disrupting their experience.

One of the maintenance staff called the golf shop to report the eightsome on the fourth hole, catapulting the manager out of the shop to issue a last warning – or leave the course with a full refund. They got the message and finished the round in groups of four. But then things got nasty.

Maybe it was too much beer or cannabis-infused machismo, but one of the men stormed into the shop to voice his displeasure about the frequent “houndings” and how this never happened at their favorite golfertainment center. Bang! Of course.

Golfertainment centers rent bays for up to eight people, which likely influenced this group to think the same could be, or should be, done on an actual golf course. The only etiquette at most of these places is don’t fall off an upper deck and refrain from romance in one of the more remote bays (although don’t bet against it never happening). There is no dress code. There is no pace of play. There is no marshal reminding you to move along. There are just service people hoping for a big tip. It’s a totally different experience.

The National Golf Foundation reports more people are moving from off-course experiences to on-course play. That’s what we all hoped for, although there is evidence this might be overstated. Nonetheless, the disparities in the two experiences are stark, and the solutions are not easy to find.

There are so many YouTube videos about golf course etiquette I don’t know where one would start. There are the general “7 Etiquette Mistakes for New Golfers” and “5 Rules of Golf Etiquette.” There are “Putting Green Etiquette Tips” and “Bunker Etiquette.” And there is a channel with 24 videos on “Golf Etiquette and Golf Rules for the Beginning Golfer.” Holy overkill, Batman, has golf gone too far? Is anyone watching these? Are their influencers promoting them on social media channels? Do they make a difference to the off-course migrators? Apparently, no. 

Years ago, I attended the launch meeting of Flogton, “not golf,” spelled backward, at a PGA Merchandise Show. The PGA wisely relegated it to a meeting room, so far removed from all the other activities, so we almost needed a cab to make it to the other end of the convention center. Flogton sought to democratize golf to make it more fun and inviting. Let’s play in Aloha shirts, toss the ball out of nasty bunkers, wear hats backward, play music, stuff like that. Alas, Flogton discovered that half the golf population was already playing like that. It died an ignominious death. However, its philosophy has been adopted by the new cohort of migrating golfers to green grass. Yes, that’s a broad generalization. I’d love to hear if this has happened elsewhere.

The eightsome was a one-day occurrence. The sun rose the next day, and more foursome golfers came out to play, unaware of the previous day’s fiasco. Things were back to normal. However, then came the online-posted collateral damage, torpedoing the course’s stellar ratings. Several 1-star reviews appeared on Yelp and Google, unheard of for a course with a 4.8-star rating on Google! It almost always received 5-star reviews. Two of the 1-star reviews were from members of the eightsome, including one calling the staff “idiots” and saying they should not be running a golf course that’s been in business for nearly 100 years. Others were from people playing behind the eightsome.

Most golfers like the “order” of the game. It’s okay to make up some rules as you go along, but as my Minnesotan friend says, golfers play on a one-way street and must respect that the road is shared with many others. Golf is played and built on a standard of four to a group, which has been proven financially and schematically beneficial, and is not likely to adapt to eightsomes and tensomes unless we revert to the days of 50% utilization. And there lies the dichotomy.

Green grass operators want the business of those sampling golf at off-course locations. It’s one reason many are installing range technology. It can be a catalyst for growth. However, they also want them to adhere to golf’s traditions, order of play, etiquette, and how most experienced golfers play and respect the game. How golf course operators adapt and navigate this over the next few years will determine whether golf continues to grow or reverts to the mean.

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